The Fried Santa Report
Filed: December 26, 2007
Incident Area: Chicago, Illinois
Report written by Special Agent Gold; filed by Junior Agent Pale Yellow

On December 25, 2007, in Chicago, Illinois, an unfortunate incident occurred involving Agent Umber.

The incident took place due to the agent’s unpreparedness and lack of project mission goals.

It involved Mission #a5-305vx, concerning the belief that alien life-forms had taken the shape of liverwurst slices at Mrs. Levine’s Corner Delicatessen.

Agent Umber disguised himself as a Santa Claus on break from a neighboring department store. He entered the delicatessen at approximately 3:21 in an AAA-sanctioned Santa costume.

While he waited on line for his order, Umber activated his NC-640 Alien Detection PenWand®, aiming it at the cold-cut display.

He closely monitored alien levels; however, Umber was distracted when it was his turn to place his order. While making his pickle selection (dill, sour, half sour, garlic, sweet), Umber allowed the PenWand® to touch the metal counter.

Unbeknownst to the agent, a spark shot out the top of the pen, setting the synthetic Santa outfit on fire.

An elderly woman, Irma Garrett of Kewanee, Illinois, was able to extinguish Agent Umber with her bottle of water. Unfortunately, in the commotion the suspected liverwurst aliens fled and replaced themselves with real pieces of liverwurst.

–end of report–